Dr. Mary Oberstein » May 2014

Monthly Archives: May 2014

Fun Stuff

The Beauty of Birthdays

Published by:

live forget age

52 Years! That’s how long I’ve been living on this planet today. I’m not a big birthday person. The attention is a bit too much for me and I’ve never fully understood why people give you gifts on your birthday. I’ve always felt that on your birthday, if anyone deserved a gift it’s your parents, specifically your mom. After all, they are the reason you exist.

Here is the Beauty of Birthdays. You can have them be whatever you want. I use this day as a reminder and a day of reflection. The promise I made to myself this morning is this: When women are complaining about wrinkles, aging and their imperfect bodies, I will embrace the beauty that permeates my soul and gently brought me to today. All of the treasures, the laughs, the tears, the amazing people, THE moments, ALL of it has brought me to be ME… who I am today. I have nothing to complain about. Birthdays are just a reminder for me to look back at my life and be thankful, look around and acknowledge all of the incredible people in my life and look ahead and visualize a path that will lead me to where I want to go and then LIVE! I will live in the present, embrace more and fear less. I will continue to touch as many people as I can before I leave this planet. That is my lifelong promise to myself.

AND if the wrinkles come with WISDOM… I’m cool with that! Enjoy this day and everyday!! XO

Family Uncategorized

Lesson #1: Encourage him to golf!

Published by:

being the right person

Let’s talk about relationships. Specifically the relationship with your significant other. My husband and I will be married 27 years on 12/12/14. When I tell people how long we’ve been married, I usually hear, “Wow Congratulations!” followed by a comment implying that we have accomplished some amazing feat. Add the fact that we also work together and raised three healthy, happy daughters and the next logical question is… wait for it… here it comes… WHAT IS YOUR SECRET??

There is no SECRET. There IS a philosophy.  Be KIND, be RESPECTFUL, be LOVING, be SUPPORTIVE, be the kind of person that you would want to be married to. Women sometimes dislike when I make the following statement: ‘I love when Ron golfs.’ I actually encourage him to golf. It makes him happy and I love the thought of him walking the greens on the beautiful Torrey Pines golf course, breathing in fresh ocean air, meeting new people or hanging with his golf buddies and doing something he loves to do.  He’s up  and out early so he’s usually home by 11am and we have the rest of the day to either spend together or not. I don’t love golf. According to my ex-golf instructor, my swing resembles that of a Major League baseball player and the term “swing easy” does not register at all in my brain. However, I do love to work out, go out to dinner or spend weekends with my girlfriends, travel back east to visit family and I love that Ron encourages me to do things that I love to do as well.  I would not be in a relationship where I had to ask for permission to do things or had to justify my plans to satisfy my partner’s needs.  We have a mutual agreement to want the best for each other.   I said “I do” for a reason, I love him and want to share my life with him. From that day forward, I decided I wanted to be a the best wife I could possibly be. I continually work on myself so that I bring my best self to our relationship.  I AM and have always been Ron’s biggest fan! In my eyes, he IS the most amazing man on this planet!

Here is another thought on why I think our relationship works. Ron and I have common goals and we are in alignment (yes, that’s a chiropractic pun) when it comes to our sole purpose and the mission that we share. We are on the same team ALWAYS… And it’s sometimes necessary to remind each other that we are teammates. I believe that if you communicate from a place of kindness, your life is just better! If someone is defensive during a conversation, be more kind and use gentler words and watch what happens. Of course, the one ingredient that makes the relationship flourish is LOVE. Love permeates through our ideas, our dreams, our decisions, our family, our home and our world. Do we have a perfect relationship? No. Are we perfect for each other? Yes.

There you have it. Lesson #1: Encourage him to golf! Advice for a lasting, loving and successful relationship. My daughter Lauren, who is engaged to be married next year, gave me the idea to write a blog about relationships. Interestingly enough, she also has my golf swing and will appreciate our ex-golf instructor reference. Lauren, this blog is for you! XO

Family Fun Stuff

My Second Favorite Mother’s Day Gift

Published by:


My second favorite Mother’s Day gift was the gift that my three daughters gave me last year. It really was a gift of LOVE(insert sarcastic Hallmark comment here). I figured, I had enough clothing, jewelry, workout gear, power tools, and yes, I even had enough shoes( I can’t believe I just admitted that) so when I was asked what I wanted, I told my daughters that I was going to send them an email with 9 questions and all they had to do was answer the questions and send them back to me on Mother’s Day. Simple. I guess you could say it was a Mother’s Day report card in a way. I always loved getting both sentimental and witty cards with lovely words written about how much they loved me and now that the girls were adults(25, 23 and 21) I wanted to know more. I wanted to know how I was doing as a mom.

Here are a few of the answers I got:

How are you inspired by me?    Mom, you inspire me most by doing what you do every day. So many mothers and wives complain about the work they do, look for acknowledgment, and stress out about little things. You are the perfectly balanced woman, and you do everything so smoothly and you never ever look for someone to acknowledge the work you do. You make being a wife and mom look effortless. You inspire me to be the best wife and mother I can possibly be. If I am half the mother you are, my kids will be very lucky.

How do you feel loved by me?    I think the main way I feel loved by you is that you have always told me the truth. No matter what we ask you, you have always been straightforward and honest with us, even if we maybe did not want to hear it. I think you always told us the truth because you knew that we would grow into the people we were destined to be no matter what. You had 100% trust in the fact that we needed to experience certain things and that from them we would grow and evolve, and your job was to be another vehicle through which we would realize new things and continue to grow.

I feel loved by you because you always put me first. On top of work and everything thing else you have piled on your plate, I know I come first and that when I need you, you will always be there for me. Even when you don’t know what to say, just you being there beside me means just as much. I feel connected to you always throughout every day. And I know I will never lose that.

What are the words you hear in your mind that come from me?    The words I hear in my mind that come from you are “Do you feel this is bettering you as a person?” It’s crazy because, although I have only heard this in a few situations, asking myself that question will forever impact my decision-making. The other times I hear you in my mind are when dealing with others. Although sometimes I might want to rip someone’s head off, I can literally role- play in my mind with you until I find the right words to express how I am feeling.

As I read the answers through teary eyes, I gave myself an A+ in the subject of Mothering. I realized that through the years those girls were watching me and learning valuable lessons. I realized that being present with them was most important and always striving to be a better person made an impression on them. I wasn’t surprised by their answers(except for a few stories that I did not remember) however, I was moved by the depth of their feelings and the extreme gratitude that they expressed.   I marveled at the lessons they learned from situations that I found meaningless. I was thrown in our pool fully clothed during a party at our house sometime around 1998.  Morgan recalled how she was so mad that I was getting thrown in until she saw me emerge from the water laughing and having fun. She learned from that day on, not to take life so seriously and that love and laughter are important. The funny thing is, I learned so much from my girls when they were younger and I learn even more from them today. They are my teachers. They inspire me to be a better person. It is because of them that I absolutely LOVE being a Mother.

Happy Mother’s Day!

PS- If you would like me to send you a list of the questions I sent to my daughters, leave a comment with your email address and I will gladly send it to you.

Mary girls Newport

My favorite Mother’s Day Gift?? The birth of my daughter Morgan born at home, in our bathtub on Mother’s Day, May 13, 1990.